Sayonara, Montreal!

Well, my last interview as a Research Assistant seems to have not been fruitful as they decided not to hire me so I have decided to leave Montreal for the greener pastures of Toronto where a glamorous job as a clothes-folding girl at RW awaits me. Ah, my career is finally taking off! Well, am excited that am leaving and going back to my family, life, money but at the same time, cannot shake the feeling that am a big time loser. Other people of my age and my position have already found jobs (career ones) while I stay catering to my boyfriend and walking his dogs and cleaning his house and cooking him meals that he does not like and, and, and more ands. I like complaining, as you might have noticed by now, but I also like to believe that they have grounds, you know, I don't like complaining for nothing, I have a reason to do so.

The truth is, I should be complaining more but after years of complaining, I have realized that nothing good comes from it and nothing gets solved so my level of complaining has gone down while my level of trying to do something about it has gone up, but just by a small margin. So, after all this babbling, I am announcing that I don't think there will be a Titleless in Montreal any longer but I might just call it Titleless in Toronto.

What do you  nonexistent readers think about this? And you my loving, loyal, only follower (aka Ela)?

Ahhh, am excited to go back into normal life instead of staying all day home watching movies and hating life...

She Wolf!

For some reason, I just absolutely love this song and I don't care how cheesy it might be, it just makes me feel good. I even love the video....
Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Blah!

Hello inexistent readers and my one follower (thank you very much Ela),

I felt like blabbering today and thought it a good idea because let's face it, I love blabbering and I find that that is where I shine...Anyway, so I will tell you in the form of run-on sentences how I have been sick for the past five days and have been feeling very BLAH. I had really high fever, cold sweats, hot sweats (all kinds of sweats multiplied by two), horrible sore throat, a coughing that felt like knives were being stuck inside my throat (which has now transformed into a disgusting phlegm-filled one) and just body fatigue. I was feeling like shit, but the thing that hurt me most was not the delirious physical pain, it was the normal brush off by my loving boyfriend. He is truly a man's man in the sense that he could chop off his finger and not even feel it, have huge cuts and say "Oh, no worries, it will be alright", etc etc so when I got sick, he did not take it seriously and quite frankly, I think he ignored me.

Well, I'm just the opposite. I am the biggest pansy when it comes to (just about anything) disease and my mind works like a Republican minister, I always think of the worst, apocalypse so a myriad of life-threatening diseases start marching in my head. I complain, I wanna be cuddled, spoiled, you know...I'm a brat, I want to be treated like one from the person I love. So, when the man who supposedly loves me comes to me, feels my 100 degree forehead and says you got nothing, doesn't make me tea, doesn't come to ask me how am doing, then I get upset. Of course, I cried, silently, that's my specialty. However, the disease got worse and it appears on the second day, while I was sleeping, I had such high fever that I was shaking and screaming in my dreams and sweating buckets, so it dawned on him that maybe I truly am sick. He tried to make me feel better by buying me kinder bueno (my favourite chocolate in the whole world, except for Ferrero Rocher..hmmmmm) and Kinder Surprise (i love collecting the little toys because am a little kid) which was nice...I felt good, but only momentarily.

That's when it kind of changed, except for the all-day-in-front-of-computer-playing-games schedule, that one is non-negotiable. At least I got some food out of him (he is a great cook), but then again he fucking bitches at me on the fourth day of my sickness when I am feeling a bit better about how dirty the house is. He is not complaining about the days that I have been sick but for my...how shall we call it, messy habits. I leave food out, I leave clothes all over, I cook too much, blah blah blah. I got upset because first off, who the fuck bitches at you for this kind of stuff while you are sick and secondly, I  try very hard to do everything to please him and do things the way he likes them but it seems pretty hard for me to let go of my messy habits.

Seriously, how the heck do you change man? I do things without realizing them, like that 1/4 full coffee mug on the coffee table, or the half eaten bagel on the counter (actually that's not true, I would never leave a bagel unfinished, I love them too much), or those clothes on the closet bag (I hate throwing clothes on the floor so I always throw them on tables or chairs, even the dining table which drives him crazyyyy).

Anyway, so these are the adventures I have been having these past few days...
Anyone care to share?

Picture

Nice legs, beautiful tights, somewhat flat butt and.....is that an Ikea table?

The Mochila Bag

Out of 13 bags to choose from and I pick without knowing, Roger Vivier Mochila Bag (above). Vivier is participating in something called The Mochila Project where 13 major fashion firms have come up with their own Mochila design and will be selling the bags to use their profits to support the women in Cartagena who make these wonderful bags. There you have it, after all that run-on sentence, you can finally enjoy the designs without my rambling.

Oversaturation

For God's sake, enough about Sarah fucking Palin. I am so tired of hearing about this ignorant, devious, incredibly annoying woman with irritating idioms/facial expressions/voice who just seems to be talking and talking and talking and saying nothing worth listening to. She seems to me to be the Paris Hilton of the political world.
Why, Republican party, why would you do this to us? Why would you wake this monster?
God, I seriously cannot stand her. I would like her as a normal person, but she just seems so manipulative to me, a proper Stepford "wife" in the form of an Alaskan, hockey mom....

Natural Beauty Remedies

I found a fantastic article on natural cures for dry skin or dry scalp. I have problems with my hair because I am really losing a lot of it (especially in the front) and cannot get rid of my dandruff. I also suffer from a dry scalp which is always itchy and painful, so to find an article containing remedies that are affordable, organic and that work, is pretty awesome for me. Actually, lately I have been wondering about natural remedies from various parts of the world and I wanted to post something about it here. However, the research and the writing process is scaring me away since am lazy lately, but I will definitely try to post something on that subject.

I am very interested in Arabic and Indian remedies, they just seem so mysterious to me.
Next time we will have to uncover their secrets :)

Oh tights, baby!

You gotta love Stocking Girl, a tights company.

Sexyyyy...and affordable!

Sophie Dahy Designs

Hello inexistent readers,

The lovely Verdigris Vie has introduced me to a fantastic collection of silk flower arrangements done beautifully by Sophie Dahy Designs. For those that love this kind of thing, check her out. But i think you should check out Verdisgris Vie more. What a fantastic, delectable, serene decorating blog.

I once saw...

I once saw a beautiful sunrise,
the cooling light warming the darkness,
the cigarette burning my fingers,
and the whisky burning my throat,
instilling the memory even deeper in,
haunting me today still.

I once cried the night out,
the pain was loud,
the sobs were quiet,
the heart was running,
trying to escape,
and I saw you,
staring back at me from an old photograph,

I once had a revelation,
a moment of lucidness
amidst the dark clouds of my confusion.
I saw the light of my passions,
the warmth of my hobbies,
the aura of my inspirations,
and for a moment,
my fear of failure was gone.

I once did all those things,
but when will I see them again?.

Buying U.S home with a credit card

This is insane. I just found this article on msn.com (who took it from Forbes) that shows how you can buy some houses with a credit card, that's how cheap they have gotten. Apparently, there around 1000 homes in Detroit that are less than $20,000. It makes me wish that I had saved some money and go invest. The funny thing is that I was in Detroit almost five months ago when my cousin just bought a house for $150,000 and looks exactly the same. I'm not saying they are the same house, am just saying the quality and price of the house in the picture is the same and look what has happened.

Wow....
In Canada, especially around Toronto and GTA, you cannot find a house for less than $250,000 or $300,000. I wanna live in US. They just have it better altogether.

Per Arberin

Arber, e gjeta ate kengetaren dhe po ta dedikoj ketu. E di qe do biesh ne dashuri si cdo njeri qe ka degjuar zerin e kesaj sirene, nimfe arabe...

Being an Albanian girl is tough

I spoke with my mother on the phone today and had a one hour conversation. She was talking, I was listening and saying constantly "Yes, yes" just to go along, but I must have wandered off for about 70% of the conversation. Every time I talk to her, it is the same sermon, the same goddamn essay on how I should increase my efforts in finding a job, make up my mind whether I am getting married to the man am with right now, start thinking of having kids, start being a good daughter and come back and support her.

I know, I make my mother sound like a conservative nut who is selfish and not at all tolerant, which she is exactly the opposite. My mother is the most tolerant, liberal, kindest, self-sacrificing, cleverest, most well-read and thoughtful Albanian woman/mother I have ever met. However, even though she is a great mother and a great human being, she drives me nuts. I love her, so much, she is my idol, and yet, my worst nightmare. I really do not want to get her nasty flaws and yet, I want her virtues.

When talking with her, I am constantly reminded of my ancestry: Albanian. Even the sound of that sounds ugly, disgusting to me. I have such a love-hate relationship with my country, my people, that it is a complex that comes, goes, grows, disappears and then comes back again and that I really don't know how to deal with. I find it hard to see what is so great about being Albanian. Most Albanians are so obnoxiously patriotic and I look at them as fools, idiots with stupid ideas that we come from a great country with a great history. Where is the goddamn history? What is so great about our history besides Skanderbeg? I think all of these and realize that I am bitter, I am horribly bitter and angry at my own people, my place of birth. I am angry for all the bad things I went through there, the stupid shit I have to go through with Albanians and the idiocy of my own selfish, immature, being of not recognizing the worth in being proud of where I come from.

I have the aforementioned feelings because being an Albanian girl means you have to be very careful in how you portray yourself with other Albanians, they are very quick to judge you and not in a good way (if you are a girl, that is). Being an Albanian girl means that you cannot say you have a boyfriend, regardless of your age. Well, I think that is changing nowadays but the majority still looks down upon it, especially some parts of my extended family, the backwards ones coming from the villages (bah, how i hate them).
Being an Albanian girl means that you cannot do certain things, like travel alone, or go to clubs, or whatever other liberal shit that most girls are allowed to do. The thing is, being an Albanian girl has its ups and downs, you get the support of everyone in your family (even your most remote cousins) but at the same time, you are bound to their judgements of you.

I think ultimately, being a girl or a boy or whatever, it is definitely influenced by the satellites in your life, but they are not the ones that should define you. You should define yourself through the actions of your choosing. This is the ideal, but not the reality.

In reality, a person does not have much choice since the pressure from left, right, above or below is just too great to do anything that has to do with free will.

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Fashion-less

Remember how a few posts back, I said that I would start dedicating this blog to fashion so I can garner some much-need readership and fame? Well, that project just seems to have gone out the window because I got no designer shoes or clothes, except for my much-revered Prada and Alexander McQueen dresses which I have never worn and just sit prettily in my closet collecting dust and getting out of style. I wish I could have money to go out there and buy pretty things, afford those gorgeous shoes (I do love shoes), but being jobless and broke does not really help. Plus, I have found that I am just too shy, lazy or creative-less to even come up with interesting outfits from what I already have. But maybe I will get balls one day, take some pics and put them up. However, do not expect to see a face, I like my anonymity.

War and Peace between dogs, lover and I

I have two dogs (Eva and Leo) and one boyfriend. The boyfriend loves the dogs more than me. Why do I say that? Because the dogs get cuddled, get touched, get kisses and hugs and sweet words about 90% more than I do.


Eva, our Caucasian Ovcharka when she was 2 months old (now she is 8 months old)

Leo, our Alaskan Malamute who is 8 months old here (he is 3 now)

A lot of times, I am jealous of the dogs which is pathetic, but it is the truth. I realize that it is not the dogs' fault about the intimacy problems that my bf and I have, but they are one of the biggest contributors to our problems.

The dogs, whom I love very much and are the cutest things in the world, are also the source of many of our fights and emotional gaps. The dogs are also the source of our fun times, they make us laugh and bring peace when we are in the middle of a fight, they make us feel better, they make us feel united and love each other more sometimes.

Isn't she the most adorable thing?

They are our war and peace. I wonder, how many other couples out there are going through the same thing. How many other couples get a dog and start losing their romance because the dog becomes their child, responsibilities kick in and you start not going out because you cannot leave the dog alone, start fighting over how expensive the food is, who takes him out, who cleans after the pee, etc.


If you are a new couple and have just started living with each other, I would suggest to never get a dog, unless you have clear, concise rules and agreements on how things will be. Otherwise, you are in for a War and Peace novel of your own.

For MY Kill Bill!

This is dedicated to my own "Bill", whom I would like to kill...

Loving Feeling Good

God, how much I love this song!!

Sorry, I couldn't find good versions of the rest. It appears that they started cracking down hardcore on youtube when it comes to official videos of songs. That really sucks.

Great Expectations Soundtrack

It's four in the morning and listening to Elisabeth Fraser's voice gave me nostalgia for my youth, the 90s and most importantly, instilled a longing to listen to all of the songs of the soundtrack of Great Expectations. That movie was seriously the source of many of my all time favourite songs so I thought I would list them here for you, share the beauty.


1. Finn (Intro) - Tori Amos

2. Siren - Tori Amos

3. Life in Mono - Mono

4. Sunshower - Chris Cornell

5. Resignation - Reef

6. Like a Friend - Pulp

7. Wishful Thinking - Duncan Sheik

8. Today - Poe

9. Lady, Your Roof Brings Me Down - Scott Weiland

10. Her Ornament - The Verve Pipe

11. Walk This Earth Alone - Lauren Christy

12. Breakable - Fisher

13. Success - Iggy Pop

14. Slave - David Garcia, Davíd Garza,

15. Uncle John's Band - Grateful Dead

16. Bésame Mucho [*] - Césaria Évora

Teardrop

Lately, I have been reminiscent of my adolescence, where the 90's music ruled my world and where the song below, always gave me chills. Strangely, it still does, every single time I listen to it.
Maybe it is just the mystical voice of Elisabeth Fraser who also sings another favourite song of mine titled This Love. I discovered her song by listening to the soundtrack of the movie Great Expectations which by the way, is a brilliant soundtrack that makes that movie even more haunting.

Areaware Vinyl Decals: New Coolest Discovery

Hello inexistent readers,

I found a new cool website (thanks to Liberty London Girl) containing the coolest decorative stuff for the house. I was happy to find in her post a place where I could browse (but no way purchase, in my present financial status) and lust after these beautiful, innovative decor ways. I first discovered the existence of these wall stencils two years ago when my new roommates who took over my house, had found this beautiful flower sticker at Dollarama and it looked awesome. I could not believe it. However, since then, I have seen some on Ikea but their prices could not compare with the one dollar. Needless to say, Areaware is a website with quirky things and amazing wall decorations in the form of vinyl decals. The most amazing thing about this website is the variety and quirkiness of their products. They have everything, from jewellery to stuffed toys, plastic toys, furniture, clothes, alarm clocks and of most importantly, a vast collection of decals.

I think this company has come up with a very innovative and lucrative product. In a way, the decals are portable, easy-to-use, fast and clean murals. Who needs to pay hundreds of dollars to a painter for a mural when you can just buy one for a more affordable price and even take it with you when you move to your next home? This might just make some painters go out of a job....
However, the big decals come at a steep price, maybe one that is even higher than what you would pay a painter so I don't know what the future holds for decals. But I can say this, I am definitely hooked. This company is just so creative, so unique, thoughtful and original in expression that I think it is more than worth the money. As long as they don't start overcharging, then they are just another big name with inflated prices.

Clenched Soul

I give you my favourite poem by Pablo Neruda. I am not a big poems fan, but I do love Neruda.
I don't think there is anyone who cannot feel the love in this poem. So since I am sick because of love, I thought it would be appropriate.

Clenched Soul

We have lost even this twilight. No one saw us this evening hand in hand while the blue night dropped on the world. I have seen from my window the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops. Sometimes a piece of sun burned like a coin in my hand. I remembered you with my soul clenched in that sadness of mine that you know. Where were you then? Who else was there? Saying what? Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly when I am sad and feel you are far away? The book fell that always closed at twilight and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet. Always, always you recede through the evenings toward the twilight erasing statues.

Ode to Broken Hearts

In life, there is one universal truth:
Your heart will be broken, one time or another.
You will cry,
you will be sad,
you will think it is the end of the world,
your chest will hurt,
your eyes will burn,
you will feel like vomiting,
but rest assured, it will pass.

It takes time to get over someone,
it takes time to forget them,
it takes time to heal and feel better again,
it takes time to breathe without hurting,
it takes even more time to find love again,
but rest assured, it will happen.

It takes effort, to cry,
it takes chemistry to let those heavy, salty tears dry
it takes hard work for you to become you again,
it takes love for you to love you again,
but rest assured, you will succeed.

And after all these words,
and after all the advice,
and after all the wise sayings.,
there is nothing that can alleviate your pain right now.

You will hurt,
you will cry,
but you will stop,
one day or another.

Rest assured!

Happy Halloween

If your skies are blue and starry where you are tonight, then you are lucky (here there is some kind of windy storm that almost made two really skinny girls fly away) and to commemorate a fantastic Halloween night with beautiful, crisp weather, enjoy the sounds of my new favourite song: Under the Milky Way by Sia.
Sia is an Aussie with a unique voice and outlandish personality and lots of talent, a talent that you can enjoy in her beautiful cover of the song Under the Milky Way by The Church (another Aussie band of the 80's).