Tuesday 12 June 2007

Lost...and desperate!

Date: June 12
Time: 5:02 pm Central
Location: Couch in Chateau Royale luxury-looking-but-cheap-materials apts...
State of mind: lost and desperate....

It appears that my bf has decided to finally leave Canada after having completed his two-year Masters...after of course having promised me that he would look for a job here and stay with me for one more year. Ah, what a fool! For all those who expect this to be a dedication to scorned love, you might be disappointed for I have no interest in love. At the moment, my feelings all revolve around the black mass of loserness, failure and utter shithole that I am in. I am $5500 in debt, have no job currently, have no prospects for getting a good job, have screwed up my school royally and might be graduating....Ah, yes, pertaining to the last point, I might also have missed my graduation day so all my three years in university slaving in procrastination might just have been for nothing. So now, at the moment, am royally screwed. I have no friends since I am a stupid girl who drops her friends to spend every goddamn minute with her bf, a sign of complete foolishness that unfortunately escaped my brain.

I have no idea what will I do...I live with the person who will leave in two months, and have no idea whether my studies will continue or not. Ah, maturity is not knocking on the door as some would suggest now that I have (might) graduated, but is hitting me in the face, bitchslapped indeed. I do not know why writing in this blog seems like a good idea, maybe because I have no one else to vent on, maybe cause I think I might get some sympathetic comments, or maybe just because the human brain needs to convey the stupid feelings of that badly run machine called heart...

Heart always screws up...It never runs smoothly, it keeps on giving you problems, keeps on stopping at the wrong destinations (persons, things, feelings, take your pick!) and needs incredible amounts of gas (thoughts) to run for a few miles. I think this similee might be wrong...hmmm...ah, I dont care...I get it, do you? Well, if you don't, then how about a free tour of my mind? I have planned a tour of my mind for the next blog; hence, those who are interested, must sign up because you know, being lazy and all, I need to know whether the tour is worth giving or not...supply and demand, my friends, supply and demand...