Saturday, 26 December 2009

Ane Brun

Oh, what a new musical discovery for me today! I found a female artist whose voice I adore and for some strange reason, seems to be the epitome of what I find truly wonderful in a female artist. She is artistic, very creative with her music, cool, not caring to look sexy, and most importantly has a melodious, soothing and yet rough voice that evokes images of streets of Paris, lounging in bed with a warm body, or early sunrise accompanied by kisses and hugs...
The first song is my favourite ever...

What do you guys think?


"Long Live Iran" were the constant chants I was hearing in the movie I just finished watching, titled "Offside". I feel light-hearted, happy and somewhat melancholic after watching it. The movie is so beautiful in its simplicity, the camera work is rough yet fluid, almost like a documentary and the plot is simple in appearance but with deep social meanings.

The movie revolves around a group of girls who get caught trying to sneak in to watch the game between Bahrain and Iran, an important game that determines if Iran will make it to the 2006 World Cup. During the story you see all of the stereotypes the world has of Iran and also some shattered ones, such as the kindness of men toward the women and their innocence in the love of the game. You will feel pity and anger towards the obvious discrimination and yet, be sweetly affected by the men's behaviour towards them. In amidst it all, there is humour, brilliant satire, love, respect and profound innocence and human spirit.

You can watch the movie here and enjoy its innocence, humour and raw beauty. It really is a gem....

Friday, 25 December 2009

Dorian Gray

I just finished watching the movie Dorian Gray, after watching it and ignoring it three times since last night. I have been a fan of Oscar Wilde since the time I first read one of his works, specifically, Lady Windermere's Fan. I fell in love with his wit, his language, his sarcastic remarks and his obvious cynic tone laced with joie de vivre. I have been wanting to read The Portrait of Dorian Gray for a while now but have not been able to yet, so when I discovered that there was a movie, I was excited.

The movie started interesting enough; it captured me with its dark colours, thriller music and beautiful set of late 19th century England. I got even more interested by the presence of Colin Firth in the movie who portrayed the amazing, flawed, deeply-sinful character of Lord Henry Wotton.

I thought the movie was well-done, but the story surprised me because I had no idea what the book was about. However, I think the choice of actor for Dorian Gray could have been better (his acting was not on the same level as the others), even though it seemed to me they had chosen an actor who had much physical similarities with Oscar Wilde himself. This means that the director was intending to portray Gray as a personification of Wilde in real life which is a pretty safe bet knowing how Wilde lived in real life.

The novel seems to me as if it is Wilde's reflections upon his own life, his own philosophies and world views and the musings of what would happen if he let his imagination run free. Wilde was the founder of Aesthetics and professed lover of beauty and anything related to it. He loved the arts, he loved life and he pursued beauty relentlessly and with such passion that he was well-known for his scandals. He was a bisexual and a scoundrel and you can find all of these in Dorian Gray.

Gray is Oscar Wilde and Lord Henry Wotton (Harry) is Oscar Wilde, but they symbolize two different parts of him or his character. The way Lord Harry talks is the way Wilde would talk which makes me think that this is the cynical side of Wilde, this is who he normally is in real life. Meanwhile, Gray is who he was as a young person and who he becomes later on, or who he thinks would he would be if he were to follow all of his wildest dreams. Lord Harry is the temptation and the devil behind Dorian's choices and his like of hedonism and aesthetic world view intrigue Dorian and lead him to make the mistakes he does. The movie is mostly about graphic beauty than character development and this is where it comes short from the book.

The story is a beautiful analysis of good versus evil inside oneself. The deterioration of the portrait as the human soul deteriorates with each sinful act is a pretty good account of reality, of the scars that each mistake leaves. It certainly brings the message home that be careful at how far you push your limits, for you will always have to pay for them in the end....

P.S. For those who want to see the movie online, you can view it here

Thursday, 24 December 2009

Merry Christmas!

I was lying down, drifting off to sleep and feeling utterly exhausted from being upset when the screams of my mother calling me to go down to eat became too unbearable so I decided to get up and just go down to make her stop. I went down the stairs, reached the living room and was utterly mesmerized at the vision in front of me. The house looked beautiful, a warm glow from the candles on the table and the lights from the tree hugged every corner of the house and surrounded the dining table beautifully, where my mother along with my two brothers had already started eating the delicious food she had cooked. Oven-baked fish, fresh salad, butternut squash, fried peppers, vegetables and cake for dessert. I was still in no mood to eat or be surrounded by people but the sight of all this, warmed my heart and their smiles along with my conscience forced me to eat just a bit so I would not offend them and make them unhappy. I was given e glass of red Montepulciano, brought a glass of water as per my instructions and immediately after two bites, felt that I was actually hungry. As I continued eating and talking with my mom and brothers, I realized that the beauty of Christmas is truly family. The warmth and the happiness of the holiday season is not about how beautiful your house is, how expensive your gifts are or how extensive the choice of dishes on christmas dinner time. It is about just how loved and how much you enjoy each other's company. Our financial situation right now has us very limited in food or gift choices, but it has not stopped us from being happy by just being all of us together. I just hope that the rest of you are feeling the same magical feeling of family love....
With this, I give you my warmest wishes on this holiday season!

Monday, 21 December 2009

Heartbreak Warfare

Lightning strikes
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break through at all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down
Red wine and ambien
You're talking shit again, it's heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare. 

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Hello Rachel!

I am in love with Rachel McAdams latest shoot with Vogue. I don't know why but am in love with this D&G dress, I love the colour and the print. The Louboutin heels are also magnificent but the pose is the coupe d'etat of the shoot, it puts it all in such a beautiful way.

And check out this Dior lace top. Luxury and beauty intertwined perfectly. (money, money, money is ringing through my head)

And this "Dior belted organza-and-satin dress with built-in bra" is just extraordinary and for some reason, it invokes the image of Grace Kelly, with that tiny waist and tightly-closed belt.

 It also helps that I love the actress herself and fell even more in love with her from reading the interview (ecstatic that she lives in Toronto, I might just stalk her a bit and put my creepiness to good use lol).

Friday, 18 December 2009

Mary Ellen Mark

I found Mary Ellen Mark when I was stalking a girl on facebook whom I greatly admire and who has no knowledge of my existence, because am a creep like that lol. I noticed in her profile pictures a shockingly raw and humanistic picture that portrayed a young girl with heavy make-up and a skimpy bathing suit,smoking while a fat girl of the same age lounging in a tub pool. It was just so raw that I got transfixed. I learned that it was a Mary Ellen Mark photo and immediately began my quest to find more about her and her wonderful work. I discovered that her photographs are pieces of humanity captured in eternity in the form of pixels and that humans will always be the most fascinating subject to humans.

There is no intricate world like that of a human's...

Christmas Blues

The doors opened and the crowd launched and dispersed upon Don Mills station as flies released from a bottled up jar, all making noise and running towards one place, the bus stops. No one stopped to listen to the drunk guy playing Jingle Bells on his guitar beautifully. Am not sure how many even had a thought of giving him money.
As I was passing him by, being just another fly amongst the flies and rushing to get home myself, I was wondering how many people are going through Christmas as to what am going through. How many people do not even have money to buy Christmas gifts for their family members this season? How many of them are in such a dire financial situation that they pass by a homeless person and cannot even give them a quarter because they need to save it for themselves? I was having a conversation with myself as to how giving a person should be when you do not have yourself any to give. They say Christmas is the season of giving, but how many of us do? I wonder how many of us are heartless in our own tragedies...

After my fourth day at work today, as I was emerging from the subway doors and running towards the bus, I saw the nicely dressed young girls of my age and felt envious. I felt envious for their nice clothes, their supposedly good jobs, their good boyfriends, their good families, their good life. All of this passed before my eyes in succession and with each image, the images of my own life were juxtaposed perfectly to showcase my loserness even more and instill bits of sharp pain. I felt detached from the proud, useful, working part of society that is linked to those young, nicely-dressed girls, but felt something else as well as I saw the rest of the people who seemed just as tired, just as badly dressed as I was.

I was thinking to myself that in the midst of that crowd, I found myself again part of the masses, the working masses that run to work every morning and run home every evening. I am part of this useful part of society and it is the only thing that makes me feel good while am commuting one hour each way to reach work.

I am aware of my failures, I feel the pain of their presence every day, but am determined to not let it win over me, even though am afraid they might be winning the battle for now...

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Finally got a job!!!

After 6 months of not working, I finally got a job. Even though it is only as a server at a fine-dining steakhouse in downtown Toronto, the opportunity of making good money has got me very excited. This means that I can finally start working at reducing the astounding debt I have accumulated as a student. Life seems more hopeful and beautiful now that the prospect of having money has finally come alive. Let us hope that within a few months, I will be contributing with photos of my own (instead of stolen ones as I do now :p) and articles on interesting aspects such as life in Toronto.

I am thinking of changing my blog to follow a certain path or subject such as the musings of an Albanian girl in Toronto. It might be interesting since I consider myself a pretty interesting person that likes interesting things. Modesty will not be welcomed here anymore lol.

Happiness and me...

Lately, I have been wondering a lot about happiness and what it means. I have discovered that it is a very elusive concept, thing to achieve and also, very subjective which makes it even harder to define; hence, find.
In order to find happiness you need to find yourself, you need to find what makes you truly happy. To find what makes you happy, you need to analyze yourself in entirety, meaning that you have to look at every minuscule part of your personality, everything that makes YOU, analyze it, and then bring the pieces together to analyze the link between you and happiness. Are you lost already? Well, you must be because delving into the depths of you is like mining without headlights, you get lost in the abyss of yourself.

Saturday, 5 December 2009

I want it!

Don't know why but I love this dress even though was not a big fan of Stella McCartney Spring 2010.

Gotta love Giuseppe Zanotti


                                                Bow-embellished suede pumps

                                                                                       $1,290 (wtf?)


Mirror mosaic strappy sandals



Lizard platform ankle boots

Ah, Lanvin, Lanvin! I adore you, but why are you so goddamn expensive????

Judith Leiber

Sunburst crystal-embellished clutch

$2,995 (wtf? does it have a tv inside or smth? why is smth so small so goddamn expensive?)

Friday, 4 December 2009


I thought this was pretty cool so I had to share it. This pic and this woman are the epitome of cool. May we all be able to do that at her age (somehow I don't think that will be me lol).

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

I'm Bored...

It hasn't been not even two hours since my last post about travel bliss and here I am, feeling utterly bored and for some reason, antsy. My back hurts, my ear hurts from pressing the earphone so hard against my ear to try to hear the sounds coming from the movie Julie and Julia and my bum hurts too and I am getting tired from sitting down. It has only been three hours of driving and am already bored. Can't wait for the stop in Kingston where I can stretch my legs, maybe grab a coffee (would that be a good idea at this time?) and have a cigarette.

The bus tonight seems to have mostly female students traveling who are equipped with their own laptops just like me and who are busy watching, typing away at their screens, just like me. I was thinking about this and technology as I observed the lights coming from the laptop screens here and there scattered along the bus. I was thinking about how convenient life has become, how many ways for us to pass our time and enjoy ourselves and yet, we get bored...Human beings are very whimsical, but it is exactly this that fascinates me...
When bored, philosophize :D

Enroute to Toronto

Hello inexistent readers,

I am on the bus to Toronto, lying down on two seats, enjoying the beauty of my laptop, watching Julie and Julia, plugging my charger right beside my seat, charging my phone, basically enjoying the awesome amenities that the Megabus of the route Toronto-Montreal provides. Oh yes, I forgot to mention the free wifi that is pretty fast and allows me to write to you at this moment. The only thing that is bothering me are the green lights, but I guess they help with the light of my laptop that could cause eye damage.

There is total darkness outside and it appears to be raining. Yet, I feel as comfortable as I would in my own bed, watching from outside the bedroom window, except that this one is moving and the view is that of Quebec provence (presently, shortly it will be Ontario provence :D). I see trucks passing by that remind me of the Coca-Cola commercial and that increase the melancholy, happy mood that am in. I am excited that am going back to Toronto, am excited for the prospect of beginning a normal life and am saddened by the failure of my relationship. I wonder where the future will take me. Will I be able to have a Julie/Julia Child Project of mine?

When I took this picture, I told my Frenchie friend beside me that this is where I would live one day...still wonder whether it will come true.

I contemplate about my own life as I watch and enjoy this movie and wonder about what I want to do in my own life. I love cooking, I enjoy shopping for groceries much more than for clothes and by God, I love eating. I wonder whether I should follow some kind of path related to cooking as well. But this is not what I have imagined for myself. I have imagined a life of adventure as a writer/photographer for National Geographic. However, the problem lies in the fact that I suck as a writer and am not so sure about my photography skills even though I have gotten some compliments based on my pics from my cellphone shitty camera.
As I watch the Paris scenes, I get reminded of my one day in Paris and how I would have loved to visit Europe during the 1950s. It seems that it would have been a much cheaper, interesting, vibrant and welcoming Europe.

I wonder, I wonder, i wonder....when will I experience instead of wondering?

Ta-ta, inexistent readers :)

The Tale of Genji

"You linger among the shallow pools of light while I dwell in the darkness."
"Passions reflect the seasons, and I change as they do."