It is 10:27pm, christmas eve. I am still upset and nursing my hurt heart, my buzzing headache from drinking too much today with people from work on an empty stomach, and yet...I discover a blog and surprisingly, I feel a bit better, more hopeful. I read and read and read and the hours pass by. This is how I waste my time...reading other people's thoughts and wishing theirs were mine, their lives were mine, a constant roll of envy. Yes, that's me, envy queen. Maybe I shouldn't use envy, it has such a negative connotation. I should just say that I am not happy with what I got (never been, really) and that only lately, I have started getting more comfortable in my skin. The funny thing is that I can play the part of the very strong, very confident woman very well. I would get an oscar, that's for sure. I always seem to know it all, have it all, but it is far from the truth. If only people knew my daily life and my...anyway, I will keep that in my mysterious corner of a shadow.
I think I am ready to move on....I think I will stop loving Dhary from today on (I don't expect it to happen overnight, but gradually, it will fade) and that from now on, I think I will stop being so self-conscious about everything and be more open about my life. I will put more pics of me (or maybe sketches, not sure yet) and I will try to write more....I said try, most probably won't happen, as usual. I am very good at planning and envisioning the right things to do, but putting them to action, that is another matter.
Meanwhile, let me share some happy images and material wishes (it is christmas, after all...the holiday of holidays for materialism).
Maybe Santa will be nice to me for once ;)
Random, huh? But wait, am not done. I think I will just continue listing what I want for the new year...or maybe I should say that on new year's eve? But no, I will be too busy partying most probably (at least I hope so, something needs to go right this holiday season even though it is soooo much better than last) so I think maybe I will list them here. But since this post is getting too long, I will just have to write another one ;)