Where does one start to change one's life? Does it start at the moment where they are lowest? Like let's say, high and drunk, where I am right now. Does one start there? The Albanian readers most likely will judge me but who gives a shit? I realize it doesn't matter much but at the same time, it does. Why so? Why can't it be simple enough to make my behaviour do what my brain accepts? What is this subordination of the heart and body? Why is this Albanian thing so strong? What is this Albanian illusion of being accepted and a good girl such a strong, strange, weird concept that keeps on taking over at certain situations? I wonder, how does a girl of Albanian origin explain that?! Men are different...from where I come from. For them, it's a different reality, a perception that is entirely favourable to them so Albania for most of them is paradise while for most women, a dreadful black hole. I realize that I might be too harsh but quite honestly, I am too susceptible to people's perceptions of me. It seems superficial but it seems almost dictatorial that I behave in a respectable manner, albeit not conventionally so. I like to make a fool of myself, but always to the degree where I seem like a harmless, good girl...that is imperative to me. Why??!! I wish I just could let go sometimes, misbehave like the rest of them...but it seems almost impossible an act for me. I wonder if I am addicted to my mask...