Monday, 16 September 2013

An American Storm

A hurricane, a hurricane is awash inside of me. Three weeks in and I am already shoulder deep. Pretty soon, I will be over my head, gasping for air as this passion drowns me. I wonder what makes me such a fool to always fall in these deep waters of passionate moments that seem to consume my entire being since moment one. I can still envision the first time I saw you, the moment where you crashed into Marco and I thought -
"Who is this dick that can't see where he is going?". But you see, even in that moment, as I saw you crash and then awkwardly back off with your hands up, as if surrendering and apologizing with your gestures, I felt an electron escaping and from that moment forth, throw me into a volatile state of chemical reactions in my brain and heart and body.

And so our story started...with a volleyball game, followed by my invitation to go grab beers for all those in our team; solidified by our 48hrs-without-sleeping challenge, or our all-night-long-talking-by-the-disco while others from our group danced. Finalized by the most romantic kiss of my life at the end of that exhausting war of wills where you and I spent every moment together for more than 48hrs straight. All those sunrises, all those drunken nights, the semi-lucid memories, the friends made, the sun had, the beach swam, the laughs shared, the kisses engulfed, the eyes gazed. All of this, comes and swirls around in my brain like a tornado, distorts my view of reason, unhinges my emotional anchor.

Yes, dear sir, you have unhinged me from my axis. I am now a free electron of love, floating in your electromagnetic field, trying to find a place to fit in. I want to enter your gravitational pull so badly, find me a spot and hold on tight. But you, you are a strong asteroid set on your own course, without much care for my pull...And here I am, left again aching for more synchronicity, reciprocity, or closer velocity of free falling into each this puddle we might call love. Come on, let me in! Why must I fight for it? Why this game? Why a game at all? Why the multiple curtains? Why the hot-and-cold? Can't you just let go and let me in? Let me in! Who else can be let in if not those that are truly curious to enter? Break me in, I swear I shall not break you. Pull me in, I swear I shall not push you. Hold me in, I swear I shall hold you. For this is how I feel...for it is this that you will never know.

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