I remember - Yeasayer

They tell me I'm beautiful, but I don't believe them. Instead, I choose to believe in the beauty of my music, the warmth of the morning sunlight, the crispness of the air, the white cherry tree with its falling petals, the humidity of the afternoon, and the sad truths in life...such as "fill in the blanks".

I have been obsessed for the whole week with this song. It reminds me of when I was in love...and him was stuck in my mind all the time, so frequent even now.

Sun!

Sun, sun,
Why do I love you so?
You warm my heart,
you warm my soul.

Sky, sky,
Why are you so blue?
Why is love,
so full of you?
Why does the colour,
relax me so,
why does the word,
fill me with warmth?


Sun, sun,
don't go away,
caress my heart,
brighten my day.
Give love to the flowers,
and to mankind,
give warmth to their hearts,
and make their world shine.


P.S. I had a fantastic lunch today at St. Lawrence market with friends/colleagues who brighten my days. Wine and impromptu friends in the shape of cutest dog, make life's little pleasures the true reason for living. I hope you all had a wonderful day, too.

In the end they win...or is it you?

I saw you in the window glass,
you looked good.
In your Anne Klein skirt,
your maroon heels,
your navy mesh tights,
and your strong walk.

I saw you and did not recognize you,
did not know who this girl was.
Did not know who you thought you were,
perhaps not who you seem,
perhaps not who you want to be,
perhaps somebody else entirely.

Why are you so multifaceted?
Why this embellishment of self?
Why this self-preserved broken surface?
Tell me one thing and one thing only:
What do you want?
Do you want to be the successful hottie
walking the halls of Allen Galleria?
Do you want to be the simpleton
traveling the corners of the world instead?
What do you want?
Why is it so hard for you to answer?

What is it about this duality that persists in you?
Is the corporate world tempting you, misleading you,
engulfing your being in believing that money and power
are the only way to succeed and make a difference?
Be heard? Be loved? Be respected? Be appreciated?

My little girl,
why are you so broken?
Why are you so weak and flawed?
Why are you so easily tempted?
Why are you so humanly swayed into
believing things that are not you?
Who are you?
I know you can't answer...
But maybe through actions,
you can....

Do something,
Love yourself...

Now, Now...
Don't go thinking you can win,
not in this life, pal.
Don't argue with life's cruelties,
they will chew you up and spit you out,
yes, just like that asshole who just spit on the floor.

Let me tell you,
life is something you live everyday,
it's a bitch you want to fuck
but you can never have.
Yeah, that's right, you heard me,
you can't have her, man.
Why? 'Cause life is unpredictable,
it will throw you curveballs
that even the best baseball player can't catch.

Life is a human,
a beautiful mess of imperfections,
intertwined morals and emotions,
twisted like the roots of a tree.

Yeah, just live it one day at a time,
that's all you can do.
Hear me out, am telling ya,
you can't fuck this bitch.
Stop trying!
Let her come to you,
and then the fun comes...

I see...perhaps not!

I see it,
I see it with
the corner of my eye.
That change,
that change that is
lurking around the corner.

I feel it,
I feel it coming nearer,
that much-awaited moment,
that storm of activity
you have been craving,
that love of desire
you've been creating,
that thing you call future.

I see it,
I see it now,
yes, it's clear as day,
I feel it,
I feel it now,
no, it's not there yet,
but you will soon feel its presence
and then,
I will hear you say,
the convulsions of achieving what you want
are too damn distressing.

Titleless

Hey!!
Throw me that rock,
throw it at me,
smash my heart,
kill my brain,
just fucking take me out of my misery.

And when you're done,
wipe your hands,
i hate dirt,
on good shirts.

Yes, am talking to you goodlooking,
man with style,
money,
complexes,
sweet words and honey...
instead of honesty and love.

Am talking to you,
man who broke my heart,
am talking to you,
coward who can't ask me out,
am talking to you,
disgusting player.
Yes, am talking to all you men out there
who take and think they give
who love but instead they hurt
who are heartless but instead they play the lover.

Am talking to you, human beings.
Kill this heart,
smash my brain,
for you have all disappointed me.
But life continues...

Conversations with thyself.

Dear soul,

I would like to ask you, when did you become so cynical? Why are you always so tormented? It seems to me (your alter ego) that you like pain a bit too much, you enjoy melodrama a bit too often and you seem a bit hypocritical as well. What's up with this constant victimization of yourself? What's up with this addiction of always feeling sorry for yourself? It seems to me that quite a few people give you compliments, think you're pretty cool, in fact, a bunch of them say that you are one of the most amazing people they have ever met and yet, this doesn't seem to satisfy you. What's wrong with you, soul? What is this void that seems to be within you? I would like to understand you better, especially since your actions and behaviour directly affect me, your alter ego. I would like to understand you so I can properly correct you so I can be a bit happy too.

You seem to seek superficial happiness, fleeting moments of awesomeness that momentarily fill your void and just as quickly, disappear. A lot of times, I am almost convinced that you might suffer from multiple personality disorder, but since I am your twin in the sense of always accompanying you wherever you go, I know fully well that your emotional disorder or instability stems from your lack of self-worth and the many incidents that have weakened it. I know you feel bad for yourself soul, I know you act as if you're happy but you are deeply depressed, I know you have a fucked up situation soul, but who doesn't? Why is it so hard for you to see and accept that? Have you ever thought about how bad others might have it? But of course you have, I know you have, I was there when countless of people have told you the same cliche line and I know you are tired of hearing it, I know all you think about when they say that to you is that why the fuck can't I have it well like others? I know soul, I know how you feel for I feel it, too. I know that you are frustrated with your emotional state, with your reality and I also know you try hard to make it better, you analyze yourself to oblivion (myself included), you try to ignore it, you try to do things that could make it better, but I also see your failure soul.

I see it for we are both responsible for it. I see you ignoring the pain, ignoring your problems, focusing on the getting drunk and meeting new people, trying to get people to love you and never really achieving it, constantly looking for love and never really finding it, I see it all soul. I see your struggles, I see your achievements, I see your lucid moments and your dark abyss ones. I am there with you, soul....I am having this conversation with you because my lucid moment right now is in realizing that when you got no one else there for you, don't forget that it is you, myself and I....yes, I is in the equation too, but we don't listen to her very often for she is the superego, a bit too boring for us right now. But rest assured soul, you are the amalgamation of everything you need and for that....don't feel alone for I am here too so don't take all the blame for the way you feel.